The Incredible Hat

Saturday 10 June 2004; 12.42pm - the morning after the Second Annual PAOCBC Hotel Tour - your correspondent awakes to find himself in his own bed, without any major cuts or bruises (a marked improvement on last years' rose-bush-collision-injuries-and-wake-up-on-lounge-room-floor effort) and gets out of bed, still quite drunk (and still, notably, fully clothed, including shoes - one with a partially missing heel - and wallet and phone). Ahh, the Club Pub Crawl had done it again.

The Committee is pleased to report that Pub Crawl 2004 was a resounding success. Notably, several KPIs indicated improvements over PC 2003:

Locations: 9 (up from 6 in 2003)
Participants: some 25, up from mid teens in 2003
Raucousness: up by fourteen percent
Greasy burger consumption: up by 7kg of saturated fat
Percentage of nights' activities deleted from collective memory by liquor: est 72%, up from 46% in 2003

While your correspondent's memories are woefully few, I will make some attempt to record at least a broad outline of the night's proceedings, so that there is some record of where all the money went and from where all the headaches came. This record will be, of necessity, somewhat vague.

Please e-mail me with any additions that should be made, and we can release an over-priced collectors' edition e-mail at a later date (perhaps in widescreen format) (and Red Mist's photos from the night are also yet to emerge - stay tuned).

The following are your correspondent's vague recollections, together with value-added authoritative factual comment of Treasurer and Immediate Past President Simon "The G-Nat" Miller - these comments are are generally prefaced (SM), and also the authoritative colour commentary and special insights of Chairman Sean "Rock n Roll" Heylen - these are generally prefaced (SH).

6.00pm pre-crawl

Andrew "A" Williams and Ryan "Manners" Williams [unrelated] attend work drinks - A nursing a beer and waiting for an opposing lawyer to drop off some documents, Manners nursing a beer and busy charming the ladies (with his manners). Beer runs out at work drinks - A and Manners stuck sipping last of the red wine while realising that only a few k's away the beer is flowing freely at the Queen's Head - time to down glasses and get on the move. A and Ryan scam ride from girls-from-work to the Queen's Head - the boys invite co-workers in, they decline, saying that they have seen Palk in a novelty hat before, and have seen large groups of drunken blokes before - lads counter with "but not THIS novelty hat, and not THESE drunken blokes", but to no avail.

6.30pm Venue 1: Queen's Head

The Queen's Head sees a formidable assembly of Club members (most assembling from 6.00ish), champing at the bit for some pub crawl action, and eagerly awaiting their food. Sponsor's product in Green, Red and Draught configurations is consumed delightedly.

Club President Ben "Incredible" Palk is moving amongst the members hyping them up for the night's activities

The presence of Matt "Madman" Williams is noted with pleasant surprise - his first club function after all this time - must bode well for the night ahead. Madman compliments A and the Palk on their ability to recall the detail of Club events for e-mail reporting purposes - this puts the kybosh (or the moccasins, as the Palk would say) on A and the Palk, who will subsequently fail to remember anything of note.

Sean "Rock n Roll" Heylen immediately wins fashion stakes with "Rock n Roll" shirt.

Those who have ordered food wait impatiently for the arrival of Patrick "The Professor" Khoo, the final food-orderer required before the absent Matt "The Owner" Trim's staff can push "start" on the microwave, and bring out said food. The Professor arrives, and in a throw-back to Club Luncheon 2003, attempts to pay the bemused staff with a Diners Card. Members in vicinity are appropriately uncomplimentary about this manoeuver. Food is served and the Club hoes in.

Cliff "Hurburghlar" Hurburgh, A and the Palk discuss the origin of the Hurburghlar name - inadvertently resurrected from the primary school years during Pub Crawl 2003.

A quick gaze around the room reveals a Club collective that, in the words of Futurama's Morbo, might be described as "numerous and belligerent", if by "belligerent" one meant "keen to get on the turps".

Among those champing at the bit early are Matt "Rough" Justice, Mark "Max Power" Powell, and Mark "Hendo" -erson, along with the returning-to-the-fold-and-sometimes-known-as-"Knightsy" Chris "Pippen" Spry, the eager James "Magic" Hill, a laid back Nathan "G Man" Graham, Hamish "Red Mist" Saunders, Andrew "Toddy" Todd (all-too-briefly accompanied by the lovely Mrs Todd), Andrew "Sportsdesk" Hough (to be accompanied at various times by his various posses), and an impressive crew of 18th-birthday-bound (that is, going to such an event, not approaching such an age) young guns, including (but possibly not limited to) Kosta "Tzu" Haltis, Simon "Chains" Hains, David "Bling Bling" Leung, and Tom "don't call me Philly" Phillips, most of whom had been appropriately battle-hardened by participation in Pub Night 2004.

The G-Nat notes that (SM) Fabio was in Sweden, Dragster and Theo's location uncertain.

Troy "Trevor" Tirrell and the lovely Jen make an early guest appearance, maintaining an excellent near-perfect club-event attendance record, a performance commensurate with Trevor's senior life-member status.

Madman expresses concern about what might happen on a Club pub crawl. He is assured that there are no "pranks", or other deliberate humiliation of Club-mates (it appears that Madman has been watching too many T&A American college movies) - each member is more than capable of embarrassing themselves without outside assistance.

A and several others bemoan their choice not to order food (A's emergency quintet of weet-bix eaten at his desk at 6 do not seem to be doing the job), until a rogue, unclaimed-yet-paid-for parmy is identified; having allowed exactly 2.7 seconds for its rightful owner to lay claim, its massive form is promptly seized and devoured by a hyena-like pack of Manners, Red Mist, Magic and A.

The Palk wanders about telling various Club members that they are either in, or pressing for selection in, his drinking starting 5 - their performance tonight will be critical - he expects big things. In an unrelated decision, A determines that any subsequent e-mail report of this event should use wildly over-optimistically accurate time descriptions (in addition to the usual inexpert mix of past and present tenses, and a few rogue typos and spelling errors).

At exactly 7.21, the two minute departure warning is sounded (A yelling at people); the Pub Crawl gathers outside.

The first gathering of the Crawlers takes place. In stark contrast to later gatherings, there is little slurring or staggering at this stage. The Incredible Hat is reverentially introduced in its Pub Crawl talismanic capacity to the suitably underawed crowd, and the great powers and heavy burdens of the Pub Crawl office of the Incredible Hat are described in appropriate detail. Chains (ah, the impetuousness of youth) immediately interrupts to ask how one gets to wear the Incredible Hat. This arcane and complex selection process is explained (in effect, the current wearer picks the next). The Palk decrees that the penalty to apply to all rule breaches is "three fingers of liquor" - the ensuing discussion and various furrowed-brow three-finger measuring mime-style practice amongst the group startles passing pubgoers, who must have thought themselves to be in the presence of a "special school" excursion group, or a dim-witted and un-uniformed scout troop.

Much to his initial minor irritation and subsequently-realised honour, Madman is installed as the inaugural Incredible Hat wearer for 2004. Left hand drinks only (or LHO - left hand lay ups, as correctly described by 2003 Pub Crawl veteran Rough Justice) is announced as the rule for Pub 2.

The G-Nat notes re the first venue: (SM) No rules except enjoy the free beer; front bar overrun by The Owner's enormous parmies; Magic's eyes lighting up at the sight of an unclaimed parmy for which he fought with A, Manners & Red Mist; Red Mist paying his subs, G-Nat presenting the accounts receivable department (the lovely Nici "Sticks" Faggoter) with money. The Owner leaving us the bill from the last pub night, G-Nat presenting the accounts receivable department with said bill.
Sticks and Mrs Todd left the boys to their own devices at this point, as did Trev & Mrs Trev

7.27pm Venue 2: The Cathedral

Madman leads the troops toward venue 2. He wears the Incredible Hat impressively, employing a cool, disinterested visage. The arrival of the Pub Crawl group shocks and awes the small gathering of locals already at the pub (one is reported to have asked "how many more of yuz are there?"). Rounds are started and drinking commences with serious intent. The weapon of choice at this early stage appears to be, in the main, pints of pale, with some spirits drinkers scattered about.

Within 10 seconds of arrival at the venue, G Man is the first to breach the LHO rule. Three finger rule quickly amended to one-finger rule for spirits.

(SM) All the eagle-eyed players watched their team mates with Magic Johnson like peripheral vision, eagerly awaiting a slip up to the right hand. G-Nat develops theory that holding jacket over the right arm might stop him from using the left, then notices he is the only one burdened with a jacket. Quasimodo looked over the boys knowing that many would end up hunched over & with pained expressions on their face by the end of the night

Madman pursues his regulatory role with zeal, observing fellow members like a hawk and imposing penalties without fear or favour. Madman and Palk engage in an epic battle of wills as Madman plays the waiting game, trying to catch the Palk out - the Palk teases with RH fakes, but no sipping.

Rock n Roll uses the power of Rock to bring decent liquor to the people (and also to stick it to The Man) - he recalls performing a (SH):
Jedi mind trick on obnoxious head barman at Cathedral when he refuses to re-pour Manners' ridiculously cloudy Pale Ale:
Barman: "the first one out of the Keg is always like that"
Rock n Roll: "I think you need to pour him another one as he is not happy about it, and you wouldn't want him (or me) to be unhappy would you?"
Barman: "Ummm. No. I wouldn't want anyone to be unhappy."

Rock n Roll also recalls some quality discussion at this time: (SH) Tzu asks "what's the best chuck you've ever had?"

Chairman's Happy Hour Phase 1 - 8.03pm

Rock n Roll moves through the crowd assembling the Phase 1 team for the Chairman's Happy Hour.

(SM) Chairman's happy hour extremely well received, Rookies even more excitable than normal. Team 1 marks the trail to the Ale House, Team 1 reminisces about the Red & White, & a poll taken by Hendo about who got laid after the event. Champagne passed around, Team 1 was the only team to have ladies in the vehicle, however this didn't change the ogling, leering and general vulgarity that ensued as the magic of the limo overwhelmed us all - or maybe it was the champagne. Magic tried to pass on his champagne but was threatened by all those bigger than him (read: everyone) and down it went.

The more wily (if by "wily", one means "old") of those left behind suggest to the Young Guns that they didn't need to get to their 18th by 8.00pm - they should arrive fashionably late at 9.00, and hang around on the crawl a bit longer. This logic falls down when it is pointed out that the options are beers with old blokes, or drinks with 18 year old chicks. The Young Guns leave the old fools to it, to play a game of pool. Tzu is spied playing some "interesting" shots, and caps off an impressive game by falling off the table.

Chairman's Happy Hour Phase 2 - 8.37pm

The Young Guns limo it up for Phase 2 - heavens knows what went down in that car for that half hour.

Meanwhile, back at the Cathedral, the Phase 3 crew settle in, and starts to get a bit tipsy. Manners gets A fired up talking about basketball; in his excitement A promptly breaches LHO. More drinking. After an epic 90 minute struggle, the Palk finally slips up and breaches LHO; Madman is very pleased to spot the infraction.

In what would prove to be an entirely futile risk management gesture, several of the lads scoff lemon squashes in a bid to pace themselves for the evening ahead.

Chairman's Happy Hour Phase 3 - 9.05pm

The final group to escape the Cathedral loads into the limo. All are impressed by the quality. A and Palk get the back row - doors to themselves. A and Palk bag the others, who are stuck in sideways "bus seats". Hurburghlar regrets taking seat directly in front of A, where all the lame comments are to be heard most loudly.

Rock n Roll notes (SH) Madman remarks "I've never been in a limo before"

The Palk wastes no time in winding down windows to be obnoxious to passers-by, commenting on the relative insufficiency of their vehicles of choice.

The lads get stuck into champagne. The classiness of this enterprise is somewhat diminished by the discovery of previous Phases' dregs in the champagne glasses. This makes drinking somewhat more dangerous - as noted earlier, heavens knows what the Phase 2 crew got up to.

A tries to pass on his champagne, is threatened by all those bigger than him (read: no-one) and so down it does not go.

Obviously picking up on the Phase 1 limo vibe, talk turns to the topic of the ladiez - various blokes suggest to Rock n Roll that, as a married man, he should stay in the background so as to not distract the ladies' attention with his Rock n Roll charm and in doing so dash the hopes of the other single lads. Rock n Roll observes that (SH)"just because I'm driving a Ferrari doesn't mean I can't look at the other sports cars"

Palk performs what he will later describe as a "wicked rap"; at one point purporting to rhyme "bling-bling" with "Palky likes to sing-sing". The guy-sitting-in-back-seat-of-a-limo-while-rapping motif fails to have the same showbiz appeal that it does when one sees it in a Video Hits clip.

Rock n Roll sips his champagne and wonders aloud what all the homeless people are doing tonight. Manners wonders "why can't they all just be happy".

In a performance reminiscent of Pub Crawl 2003, the Palk fails to simply enjoy the journey, and instead starts trying to direct the driver on the fastest route to the next stop. The Palk is ignored and the Rundle Street cruise continues.

first landing party 8.28pm, final group 9.26pm Venue 3: The Alehouse

The G Nat reports: (SM) Bit of a delay between teams at the AleHouse, Team 1 settled into to watch some skanky ho's drink way too much chartreuse - Tzu would later try to inhale some to prove it wasn't that bad. One of the girls got a bit lazy with the clothing and virtually an entire bra (back as well) was on show. Wasn't very good, but was the best of a bad bunch from memory. Boys enjoyed the fan setup among the main bar although commented that they believed it did SFA. The arrival of Team 2 (mainly the Rookies) saw them all asked for ID at the door, and then again when they tried to order drinks, breakdown of trust between bar and security staff... Boys watch a bit of the football, as well as the slim attractive brunette bar staff who was squealing after having water poured down the back of her pants, Rough Justice still denies responsibility (later proven that a fellow bar staff member was the culprit) [the irony of Rough Justice bemoaning a lack of procedural fairness and/or him falsely accusing someone else is lost on all]

The re-assembled team is gathered for the formal handover of the Incredible Hat to Max Power, completing a very successful reign by Madman. The rule immediately taking effect was Chairman's choice - Showtime! One foot off the floor drinking. Most take to the Showtime edict with panache, busting various ill-balanced manoeuvres. Security staff ready their batons (used to club people) in the event that this hopping/staggering group starts anything funny.

Max Power's reign is benevolent and successful.

Venue 4: 10.09 The Saracen's Head

The crew gathers outside the Alehouse, now quite pissed. A's inter-venue monologues have now become somewhat passe, and heckling ensues. This passes, and the Incredible Hat is passed on to an uber-enthusiastic Magic. The next pub is announced as Saracen's, and the rule is thread-the-needle passing - ie all drinks through straws.

Whipped into a frenzy of pub crawl excitement, and obviously emboldened by the invincible combination of his own supernatural powers with those of the Incredible Hat, Magic leads the charge straight out into the Pulteney Street traffic; as the G Nat describes: (SM) I remember Magic trying to stop traffic on the way to the Saracen's using only the power of the Incredible Hat.

Major motor-vehicular accidents are somehow avoided (thank you, Incredible Hat), and the unsuspecting front bar of Saracens (formerly known as the Incredible Palk's House of Tang, but thats another story) is the subject of a liquor-purchasing assault of monster-truck force.

Magic undertakes his reign as Incredible Hat wearer with aplomb, policing the straw requirement with vigour, and using his "skol!" and "make way!" powers repeatedly.

As The G-Nat pertinently observes, (SM) The Palk's women joined the group, more ogling ensued, particularly of the girl behind the bar with the big fun bags. Pippen gets caught perving about 3 times. Boys go a bit crazy on the straws, some drinking from more than 5, boys just in time to catch happy hour, cheap base spirits for all, hurrah. G-Nat is outside on phone & sees people having sex in car outside, most of Club ventures outside for a better look, Magic uses the power of the Incredible Hat to bounce on their bonnet 3 times....

The Palk's female workmates make an appearance, and are immediately surrounded by a voracious pack of Club lads, all ready to share their charm.

At or around this time (plus or minus two hours) a mate of Rough Justice appears, whose name is Jean-Paul Victory. It is noted that with that name he requires no nickname in order to fit in with superhero pair Max Power and Rough Justice.

Toddy, G-Nat, A and the Palk make an attempt to streamline pup crawl operations by synchronising watches, with a view to enabling military-precision synchronised group departure time facilitation. Watch times all vary by up to 6 minutes. There is an argument as to whose is correct. A "dust off" ETD is nonetheless agreed. All are pleased by their planning skills. All promptly forget what the "dust off" time was supposed to be, shrug their shoulders, and go back to their strawed beverages.

Venue 5: 10.30 The Wakefield

After some very rapid liquor consumption at the Saracen's, the crew gathers outside the pub for Incredible Hat changeover. The crew is very pissed. The rule for the next locale is no recognised nicknames or names to be used. Red Mist is immediately re-dubbed Blue Fog. Many other clever, less-clever, and non-sensical new names are introduced (and promptly forgotten by your correspondent).

The Incredible Hat is passed to a worthy individual, who circumstantial evidence would suggest was Manners (memories are somewhat vague at this stage).

The pub crawl has by this time attained "drunken mob" status, and moves in such a manner through backstreets to the Wakefield, making a large drunken-mobbish noise (and with all using new nicknames for one another with great endeavour).

As Rock n Roll recalls, the crew (SH) encounter mounted Police as we cross road to the Wakefield.

The pub crawl rule in place at this time has therefore proven to be a masterstroke - with all false nicknames in use, the mounted police (and authorities at large) will have no means of tracing this charismatic crew of malfeasants. Mwa ha ha!

The quiet-front-bar-edness of the Wakefield is forcefully assailed, and, as the G-Nat recalls, there (SM) was a big rabble that moved to the Wakefield, & enjoyed the provision of Johnnie Walker on tap. Don't think we were there all that long, memory getting hazy at this point.

Workmates of A and Manners are encountered - use of their real names prompts arguments about applicability of pub crawl rules. All agree to consume a penalty as a good-faith gesture. Some mate of a mate is introduced - he is lukewarm to A's friendly greeting - A later realises that that guy played for an opposing Saturday basketball team in years past, and would have no doubt been crushed on numerous occasions by Old Reds Basketball - take that, sucker!

The Palk repeatedly breaches the name-of-the-Incredible-Hat rule.

Stumps are called for the next pub, crew gathers outside for next drunken changeover. The Incredible Hat is passed to a deserving Club Member described as a "tall guy with glasses" [Toddy or Hendo - was this you?]. The tall guy leads the crawl Charlies-wards.

As the Booze-Train departs the Wakefield station for the journey to Charlies', G Man queries Manners' location. A opines that Manners is at front of the group. G Man maintains his assertion that Manners had in fact been left behind; G-Man and A return to Wakefield, where indeed it appears that Manners, having returned to say a quick goodbye to workmates, is now caught in the seemingly inescapable gravitational and conversational orbit of a slightly "tired and emotional", big-boned young lass of native australian extraction. Confirming with G Man that, in his opinion, Manners would not object to forceful extraction from this situation, A effects a drunken/loud persona (not a particularly difficult task, it should be conceded), and forcefully manhandles Manners to the door, yelling out the door to a "Steve", who, A's various yelled exclamations would appear to imply, was concerned as to Manners' whereabouts and in particular required Manners to move to Charlies forthwith to complete the purchase of a round of beverages.

Having completed this manoeuvre, all three hasten to catch up with the group heading towards Charlies, where, it was rumoured, alcoholic beverages might be purchased.

Venue 6: 10.59 Charlies' Bar

On the approach to the entrance, A notes to G Man that, while Charlies itself is something of a dodgy hole, given the adjoining swanky hotel etc etc it might pay to adopt a low profile approach, secure entry, and then be drunken and loud only once inside. As A and G-Man affect a casual, I-am-not-pissed stride toward the door, a loud plate-glass-striking "buuuunngg" noise announces Magic's spreadeagle-myself-against-the-window -and-make-faces-at-passers-by manoeuvre. G-Man and A hasten inside.

G-Nat notes re this pub that: (SM) LHO rule applies again, refer earlier comments about eagle eyed players. Red Mist proves to have a goldfish memory when it comes to the left hand - repeated infractions. Boys starting to get rowdy.

Sportsdesk and/or the Professor have hooked up with their crew of ladies, who are no doubt very impressed by the fine collection of gentlemen presently stumbling around the bar, drunkenly arguing about who had their drinks in their left hand.

The Palk attempts to liven up the bar by finding Kiss and/or Motley Crue on the juke box.

Having forever changed for the better the lives of those others present in the bar simply by its having briefly stopped by, the Crawl moves on.

Venue 7: 11.33 Criterion

The pub crawl is now well into the "tanked" stage. Crawlers hold one another up, and stumble out of Charlies to gather - the Incredible Hat is assigned to a worthy individual [Sportsdesk - was it you?], some dodgy rule proposed by the Palk is shouted down, and the unwieldily named "must be in contact with another club player whose playing style is not the same as yours and also LHO" rule is put in place.

The Crawl heads north up King William Street - minor details such as specific destinations are no longer required. Wander toward the Criterion, which has unwisely failed to lock its doors - venue 7 has been found! Bar staff mutter something about last drinks; the Crawlers simply buy (by now completely unnecessary) multiple pints and/or spirits.

The usual frosty tension between guards and forwards is momentarily thawed as they are forced to socialise, however briefly, for the purposes of rule compliance.

The Professor and his women take on the computerised shooting game. Recollections of respective performances vary:
(SM) Khoo & the harem show some shooting prowess on the video game
(SH)the Professor sucks at shooting video games, but his chick doesn't

The Palk spends this entire venue-stop outside the venue engaging in vigorous intellectual dialogue (if by "engaging in vigorous intellectual dialogue" one means "drunkenly pestering") the happened-to-be-passing-by Liberal candidate for Hindmarsh Simon Birmingham, inviting him to "convince me to vote for you".

At or around this time Pippen makes the mistake of agreeing to a t-shirt swap with the Palk - the Palk now enjoying Pippen's hoodoo-gurus shirt, allowing him to compete for the ladies' attention on more even terms with Rock n Roll.

By this time, while, metaphorically speaking, the wheels have not yet fallen off the pub crawl, the driver is certainly happily passed out at the steering wheel.

The Criterion is left behind, and the Crawl heads north. Rules may or may not have been agreed for the next stop, and the Incredible Hat may or may not have been placed atop the head of the Hurburghlar at this time.

( SM) Bull & Bear - closed. A presents the options on KWS; asserts heading down Hindley St would only lead to trouble, everyone directed East up the Mall. A few drift off for some grease and deep fried beef tallow at HJ's, led by Pippen.

The Crawl experiences (SH) disappointment at Madman going home after Criterion, and Rock n Roll expresses disappointment at not being allowed to rock Hindley St.

Venue 8: 12.12 Mansions Tavern

Lads stumble down the stairs. The venue is unappealing, and recollections suggest that there may have been a beer shortage also. Lads make do. A and Rock n Roll decide to "catch their breath" and have a couple of quiet shooters.

G-Nat pertinently reminds us that the (SM) Rule was that had to touch a complete stranger - not such a good plan due to the lack of strangers, the low quality of the strangers that were there, & the fact that most of them were 20 year old couples, the guys all with big jackets on & they didn't look like they wanted to be touched by us. Reminded me why people only go there on pub crawls.

Rock n Roll notes that the Crawl was pleased to note the (SM) re-appearance of rookies at Mansions

The lads put up with the beer-free environs of Mansions for a few minutes longer while the stragglers catch up, and then it is generally agreed, "screw it, lets go to Shotz".

But first a burger stop - the long suffering teens behind the HJ's counter grapple with the culinary requirements of the Club. Cheeseburgers are inhaled.

The G-Nat (SM) ventures in for the Junior Whopper, much discussion by Toddy about how good the Aussie Burger is, praising the addition of beetroot to the lineup.

The pub crawl undertakes the Walk of Danger (the Rundle St to Pirie St walk along Pulteney, on which over the years the Palk and others have experienced an inordinately high number of notable incidents whilst out on the turps) toward Shotz.

The forward scout team of Rock n Roll and Toddy return to the main group with startling news of Shotz being closed - it is soon determined that they were in fact at Shotz' old location - much relief; the new North side of Pirie Street Shotz location is zero-ed in upon.

Venue 9. Shotz 1.00

No rules, just more drinking, and the lure of dancefloor. As Rock n Roll describes it, the scene was a throng of writhing youth.

The security staff fail to properly recognise Rock n Roll's celebrity status...

G-Nat notes (SM) boys dismayed at $3 cover charge, someone (maybe Rock n Roll or Toddy?) tried to just keep walking through despite being sent back a couple of times, I think I paid for that one in the end.

(SH) Refused to pay on way into Shots, bouncer seemingly not all that keen to try to stop me, results in G-Nat paying.

The elusive and slippery Sasha "The Eel" Kolarovic's presence is noted, providing a fitting highlight for the Club for the last venue.

A and Manners encounter (yet more) workmates, at the end of a pub crawl of their own. A slurs at them indecipherably, Manners is polite, The G-Nat suave, and the Palk very Palk.

Illusion shakers prove to be the Daisy-Cutter style massive ordinance blast that brings to the evening to an appropriately messy drunken end for most. A number of these shakers are consumed with ill-advised rapidity.

Having enjoyed some loud "WHATS MY SCENE" gurus-inspired singing, the Palk swaps shirts back with Pippen. As the G-Nat recalls, (SM) Palk then offered to show me the man boobs by swapping shirts with me. The lesbian security staff didn't like the look of us with our shirts off & encouraged them to be put back on quickly, I think she was obviously a man-hater as there were hardly 2 finer specimens in the place. Palk got tired of the tightness & we swapped back.

The music was enjoyable, and the dancefloor (at times) packed. While A has no specific recollection, the G-Nat assures us that he saw A wandering out to the dancefloor for some big man moves on the pine. A is certain that his moves were indeed awesome.

Rock n Roll keeps it rock - noting that (SH) a hot young chick comments on T-Shirt, Palk yells "Rock'n'Roll".

As a final thought on this venue, the G-Nat says (SM) the spirits were in butcher glasses, & that's about all I remember.

At various times, most if not all of the remaining crew add to the vibe on the dancefloor. The Hurburghlar is a hit with the ladies, and may or may not have removed his shirt for dancefloor ack-shon.

And so it was - the crew was drunk, stumbling, dancing and singing as one. And the G-nat assures us that, in addition, the witty repartee was definitely there to the end.

Good work all.

After after

The G-Nat says: (SM) Toddy, Pippen & I left at this stage & we found Max Power outside, just hanging around, so we all went to HJ's again for more grease. Max Power decides that the 4 security guards at the door weren't doing anything so started throwing rubbish & fries from behind them, then started throwing things at them once outside, & was asking why they had so many keys on their belts & could he play with their keys. They said no not surprisingly. Max began to hurl insults for them carrying so many keys.

Rough Justice hands down his verdict: "Max, satisfied with his ability to demolish burgers faster then they could be produced, decided that the Chubb security guards were feeling
left out of the fun. Noticing that one had a prison-like set of keys attached at the waist, Max attempted to discover the possible use of each one, with the highly insightful questioning line of, "...but why do you have some many keys??", ad nauseam. Upon receiving less than satisfactory answers, Max encouraged others to politely enquire on the purpose of the keys; both the Hurburghlar and RJ were unsuccessful. Consequently, Max lead the team down Rundle St, en route to PJs, checking with all security staff that if they were missing keys, then most likely the guard outside Hungry Jacks had them. Good work Max "Keys" Power."

Rock n Roll also ends his night, not with the throwing of any television sets out of windows, but, as he recalls: Walk home thru park lands after "you said you would be home by 1am" text received from Mrs Rock n Roll at 2.15am.
Wake up in correct bed with money in wallet and no extra ATM receipts - "Rock N Roll!!!"

And what of the Incredible Hat? By means largely unknown, it safely found its way back to the abode of the Palk, but not without first being involved in the Arizona Dion / Cab Driver Rumble / Assaulting Police incident.... but that's another story.

Good work all, see you at training. Next social event will be advised....

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